


Be Gay, Do Crimes

by CrazyDemigod666



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28575915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyDemigod666/pseuds/CrazyDemigod666
Summary: Be gay, do crimes. In which, Remus and Patton are gonna blow up the statue of a homophobe (not specified), Logan and Virgil are French speaking thieves, and Janus and Roman just want to sleep.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 25
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: sexual innuendos, kissing, explosives (no one gets injured or hurt, just a statue that gets blown up) stealing (is it really stealing when the museum you steal from was never the rightful owner anyway?) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Come say hello on Tumblr! @crazydemigod666

„Remus, I really think this isn’t a good idea”, Patton whispered, pulling his beanie over his light brown curls.

“Relax, my lovely Tiger Lilly, I know what I’m doing”, the man at his feet replied, hunched at the base of a stone pedestal.

“Clearly, you don’t”, Patton moved to sit beside him.

“You’re the one that suggested this!” his voice loud in the empty park.

“Remus, lower your voice!” Patton hushed back, “we’re going to get caught!”

“I’m not afraid to get caught. Are you?”

Remus pulled down his scarf, moustache peeking behind the green fabric as he placed a kiss on his cheek. “As long as I get caught by you in the end.”

Patton felt his skin tingle at the touch, mostly from the cold and adrenaline, but he only thought about how nice it felt to have his boyfriend so close to him. Never mind the fact they were together for over 4 years now, it never felt dull when Remus kissed him.

“You’re sweet, but if we’re going to get caught demolishing a statue of this magnitude, I want to get caught for actually blowing it up, not just attempting to damage it.”

He handed Remus his flashlight, swapping it for the wires in his hands.

They had planned this before of course. You don’t go out and about to place explosives in the park like a madman. Okay, Remus would, but that’s why Patton was here.

He had inspected the statue beforehand, the old bronze a fading green already, and had planned out what Remus wanted to do with it without anyone getting hurt.

Just because they were going to destroy the face of a man who said cars had more rights than gay people didn’t mean they had to destroy the flora and fauna around it or any innocent passerby’s.

And that’s why they were here at 2 am, in the dead of the night with fingertips freezing and adrenaline surging through their veins and a timer set in the middle.

“I really love seeing you work like that”, Remus sighed softly, his breath forming clouds in the thin stream of light.

Patton chuckled, the sound warm and bubbly :“You love seeing me, period.”

“Can’t blame me for loving your pretty face, Patty-cake. Especially not when you blush like that.”

Patton stopped working on the wiring to look at his companion, who teasingly raised his eyebrows.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about! It’s cold so of course my face is rose red, and I’m concentrated on getting this right, since you were more occupied with the aftereffects if it goes off.”

“Aww, but that’s not true!” Remus wrapped an arm around him, the dark grey fleece jacket soft under his fingers, “I never said your face was rose red.”

Patton sighed, dropping his head against his. “You are such a butt, you know.”

“The correct usage is ass, but yes, I am.”

“No, you’re a butt, your ass is hella fine though.”

Remus nearly fell over at the compliment, only supported by leaning on Patton as he grasped his jacket more. “W-who thought you that?”

Patton turned back to his work, smiling innocently as he glanced over his shoulder.

“What? The phrase or that you have a nice ass? The latter I learned pretty early on, my darling.”

“I should bring you out to do things like these more often”, he mused.

“Consider it a date then.”

“My, my, Patton, are you asking me out? Two men, sitting at the base of a homophobe, zero feet apart cause we’re really gay?” he put a hand to his chest for emphasis.

His boyfriend laughed, gently pushing him with a wire stripper in his hand: “As much as I love your theatrics, I need your light.”

“But you’re already here?”

“Hey, that’s my line!”

“And that’s my ass on the line but we’re still here!”

Gods, he did really love him.  
\----------------

“So”, Patton said after rounding the statue and checking his work one last time, “10 minutes? Or should we set it to 15 for a little wiggle room?”

“I know something else to wiggle”, Remus smirked.

He stalked over to him with wide and slow paces, hands in his pockets as he playfully wrapped one of his long legs behind Patton’s ankle.  
“We can do that later”, he ruffled Remus’ hair, “now tell me what you want to set the timer at, Mr. Kingsley.”

“Well, soon to be Mr. Kingsley-Morales, I think 15 is more than enough time, but, perhaps make it 30, or maybe an hour, if you really want to make it worthwhile.”

Remus hummed, wrapping his arms around him and resting his chin on his head.

Patton smiled, the warmth from burying his face in Remus’ neck intense and radiant.

“Aren’t the chemicals you put in there to make a rainbow cloud appear worthy enough of your time, my darling Trash Rat?”

“I mean, sure, but you know what they say”, he placed his hands on Patton’s cheeks, brushing over his freckles until he ended on his lips, “could be gayer.”

“Is that a challenge?” Patton purred against him.

Remus pulled him nearer, one hand resting on the back of his head, gently combing through his hair and one on his waist as he let Patton close the gap between their lips.

It wasn’t the most ideal kiss, nor was it the best they ever shared, but for as many different ones they had given the other, some things always remained the same:

The gentleness, the fondness, the scratching of a moustache, ever so rough but never too much. How slightly departed lips and breaths exchanged eventually tipped over into passionate kisses, only to return to softly letting their lips touch each other again.

It was their way of saying how different they were from one another, bold and brash, sweet and timid, yet equally ardent and wistful in loving each other.

“Remus”, Patton sighed as he pulled back, “we should get going.”

“But I was just getting started”, Remus smiled as he kissed him again.

He hummed against him, and Patton almost forgot what he wanted to say, but reluctantly, he broke off their kiss once more.

“Someone might come and see us, we should get going.”

“Bah, they would just see two men kissing in the park, or, more if you want”, he grinned mischievously.

“Remus”, Patton chided, receiving a pout in return. “We’re going to get cau-“

 _“Hey, who’s there!”_ a voice interrupted him.

“Okay, you might have been right about that”, Remus said as multiple flashlights came into view.

Patton groaned, thinking about his options. None of them very good.

“What should we do?” Remus asked, getting ready to bolt.

“Maybe running”, Patton suggested.

“But where? We can’t just go back home!”

Patton's mind was racing, trying to find a solution. The library? No, that was closed at this hour. Even though they lived close by, if their pursuers really wanted to catch them, they would lead them right to their doorstep, finding evidence of their plans.

Suddenly, Patton thought of a place they might go to.

“I know a place we coul-.”

 _“Stop right there!”_ the voices grew closer.

“Wherever it is, go, go!”

Remus grabbed Patton by his arm, dragging him through the park with only darkness as their cover.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Virgil, you don’t have to sneak around like that, you know.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, tugging at his gloves. “It’s a habit.”

“Oh really”, Logan stifled a dry laugh, “I wouldn’t have noticed after the 20th time you did this.”

Virgil crossed his arms, stopping in the hallway to look at the man trailing behind him. “You’d think that after what, almost 10 years?”

“7 years, 6 months and 4 weeks.”

“You would know it’s better to be safe than sorry, Logan.”

“Listen, just because that one heist in Paris went slightly sideways-“

“That’s putting it a little lightly, Logan.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to have to assume that this one will unfold in a similar way.”

Virgil shrugged, the hood falling from his head slightly, revealing his dark grey eyes. “I’m merely cautious.”

Logan walked over to him, tablet in one hand and a bag over his shoulder. He pulled the hood tighter and placed a quick kiss on Virgil’s forehead before he tapped on the screen.

He held it up so Virgil could see, once again, all the prep work Logan had performed. It was perfect, meticulously planned and executed, as expected.

Different camera angles were visible, showing nothing out of the ordinary. Even the hallway they were in seemed empty on the screen.

“Not a living being in sight”, he said.

“And the ones that are behind the screens looking at this?” Virgil asked for the third time that night.

“Safely snoring in their chairs, just in case”, Logan reassured him. “No one will come walking in here tonight but us two.”

Virgil took a deep breath, steading his nerves and lacing his fingers with Logan’s.

“This is important, Lo.”

Logan put away the tablet and locked eyes with Virgil, staring intently.

 _“Mon chéri”_ , he drawled and a chill ran down Virgil’s spine at the nickname. 

It reminded him of walks under the stars, quick escapes into a broom closet, expensive wine and sour tarts by candle light, the taste of said wine mixed with fatigue sprawled out on the carpet in front of a fireplace. It reminded him of why he loved his job, and the man he did it with.

 _“Tout ira bien, je suis ici avec toi”_ , he placed a kiss to his hand, tender and delicately. Even through his sturdy black gloves, Virgil could feel the way it connected with his skin.

He sighed: _“Je sais, mon Étoile, tu es toujours là. ”_

“Then worry not, what could possibly go wrong?” Logan smiled.

Virgil groaned, burying his head in his hoodie. “I hate it when you say that! It’s bad luck!”

“It’s superstition, and the chances of anything going wrong tonight are very unlikely”, he said as he moved toward the left.

“Now, how about we come and get what we came for?”

“Thought you’d never ask”, Virgil grinned, following Logan into the next exhibition.

It took months for this heist to happen. Weeks to get friendly with the staff, to learn about the building, the structure, the escape routes, the shifts of the guards, but more importantly, to learn about the security system and to have Logan in a position that would let him dismantle it without too much of a fuss.

However, he was more the blueprint kind of guy, so to speak. The more fine and delicate work of removing their prize he would leave to Virgil. Plus there was the added benefit of seeing Virgil in is element, and perhaps, the work attire he chose wasn’t bad either.

Even though Logan himself rarely had to perform any physical activity more demanding than a quick sprint, he chose to wear a navy long sleeved shirt along with dark grey jeans, but compared to Virgil, he was severely overdressed.

Virgil preferred more tight fitting clothes, even his hood would remain motionless as soon as he had pulled up the mask inside his outfit. His muscles were even more refined under the black and purple spandex suit he wore. Even the tool belt was pressed tight against his body to provide the best way of working in tight spaces without getting caught. If Logan didn’t know better, Virgil was practically a shadow brought to life.

But he did know better. He knew him better than anyone, so he knew how important it was they got the diamonds on display out of here, back to their original owners, to the culture they belonged to.

In fact, it was this dedication, this devotion to justice that made Logan get into this world of thievery and deception in the first place. At first it was for a good cause, now it was for a good cause, and a personal one too.

As he rounded the display, he set to deactivate the alarm. The rest was up to Virgil.

“You have 9 minutes and 42 seconds”, Logan declared as he gestured for Virgil to get ready.

He pulled out the tools from his belt, eager to get to work . “Please, I can swap these out in 5.”

“I know you can, but I know how you like a margin”, Logan simpered.

“You know me so well”, he grinned underneath his mask.

“Yes, I believe I do”, he replied, making way for his partner, “But, really.”

“Hmm?” Virgil carefully pried out the gemstones, eyes trained on his work.

“One day I would like to get you one of these of your own.”

Virgil popped the gem out and put it in a pouch, safely tucking the first diamond away.

“Logan, I don’t care for riches, you know that”, he said, already working on the next gem.

“I do, but I believe that it is customary to offer a diamond when one asks their loved ones to marry them.”

Were it not for his steady hands, Virgil might have dropped his tools at the statement.

“A-are you... _proposing_ to me? _In the middle of a job?”_

“I don’t see why not? This is an ideal time to ask since you wouldn’t be occupied with anything else.”

“I am pretty darn occupied now, _putain! _” he gestured to the gems in his hand, the last one still left on display.__

__“Is that a no, then?” Logan tapped his chin nonchalantly._ _

__Virgil cursed a string of words that made Logan chuckle, his eyes glittering like the gems they came to steal, or is it stealing when they were stolen in the first place?_ _

__“Of course not! Yes, I want to marry you, you idiot!”_ _

__“Excellent”, Logan smiled at his now fiancé, “when you’re finished we can discuss the det-“_ _

___“Logan? Are you in here?”_ _ _

__Virgil’s eyes widened, his shoulders tense as he quickly put his tools and gems away. “You said everyone was asleep!” he hissed._ _

__“They are! Every guard present is fast asleep and won’t wake up for hours!” he hastily replied._ _

___“Logan? It’s me, Patton! I know I’m not supposed to be here, but I knew you were going to stay late today and I, uh, just decided to stop by!”_ _ _

__“Patton?” Virgil asked. _“Your brother is here??”__ _

___“Oh, and uh, I brought Remus, you remember Remus, right? I mean of course you do, you’re my best man, to my wedding, with Remus, duh, such a silly question, anyway-“_ _ _

__“ _Merdre_ , this is not ideal!” he ran his hands through his hair. “We need to finish this quickly!”_ _

__“Wait, Logan the alarm system!”_ _

__But just as he tried to warn him, the temporary delay was already over, and security was up and running again._ _

__Normally this wouldn’t have been a problem. If, they had swapped the gems with their replacements already._ _

__“There you are!” Patton chirped as he rounded the corner, visibly out of breath with Remus on his six._ _

__“Uh, who’s that” Remus asked._ _

__“Mhhmm, who?” Logan bit his lip as Remus pointed at his partner._ _

__“The dude in spandex looking like a super villain.”_ _

__“Yeah that is a little weird though”, Patton agreed. “You two work here together?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Nevermind what _we_ do here, why are you two here? It’s the middle of the night!” Logan quickly changed the subject as he moved to stand in front of Virgil._ _

__“Just…decided to pop in? And to make sure you weren’t dozed off somewhere in your office?” Patton held up his hands and plastered on a fake smile._ _

__“That sounds highly unlikely”, he narrowed his eyes. “What are you hiding?”_ _

__“Wh-what? Hiding?”_ _

__“Okay then, Remus, what did you two do?”_ _

__“Why are you accusing me?? I would never hide anything from you!”_ _

__“I’m not _accusing_ you, but you better have a reasonable explanation. You are essentially trespassing he-“_ _

___“I can hear voice from here!"_ _ _

__“Patton who else did you bring here?” they stared at the connecting hallways._ _

__“Okay so, I might, _we_ might have been chased by cops from the park here and we thought we could shake them off or at least hide here, please don’t rat us out, big Lo bro”, Patton pleaded._ _

__“Rat _you_ out? Logan, we have to leave now or we’ll _all_ be caught” Virgil panicked._ _

__“What in the world are you talking about??” Remus whispered, trying to push Patton forward._ _

__Logan grabbed his bag and motioned for them to hide behind the corner, grabbing his tablet as he heard footsteps approach._ _

__Turning on the screen, he switched the cameras on again and could see there were at least 6 officers behind them, one of them going into the direction of Security._ _

__He put a finger to his mouth, indicating to remain silent as he tapped a few buttons on his tablet. A few seconds later, an alarm went of on the far end of the building, causing the footsteps to recede as illustrated by the footage on his tablet._ _

__“Well, that was lucky!” Patton exclaimed._ _

__Logan groaned, leaning into Virgil who rolled his eyes. “Sure, lucky.”_ _

__“That won’t keep them away for long though”, Logan pulled Virgil up as he went to look if the exits were clear._ _

__“We need to move, fast”, Virgil said, pinching his nose. “How do we get out with these two?”_ _

__“We’re right here, you know.” Remus scoffed._ _

__“Thank you for reminding us”, Logan muttered. “But yes, getting all four of us out will prove to be a problem.”_ _

__Virgil tugged at his hood nervously. “We didn’t even plan for one extra man, let alone two. We can scratch off plan A now.”_ _

__“Well, there is always that one back up plan we can use”, Logan offered._ _

__“No. Absolutely not. I refuse”, Virgil put his hands on his hips, pointing a finger at him, “Out of the question.”_ _

__“What other choice do we have? I can’t transport us back to our house, that’ll be one of the first places they will look for Patton, and as soon as they find out what we did, so will they for me. Unless you have any other suggestions, this is the best plan we have!” Logan retorted._ _

__“Even if I wanted to ask for their help, which, btw, I don’t, they won’t let in strangers, Logan.”_ _

__Logan twirled the leather shoulder strap in his hand. “They know me and Patton.”_ _

__“They know you, and Patton by association. His attachment is harder to explain, I mean, this entire situation is embarrassing and hard to explain!”_ _

__“Hey, nerds”, Remus interrupted their bickering, “how about you stop fighting until we’re out of here, yes? Seems like a plan?”_ _

__“Hate to agree with this guy but he does have a point.”_ _

__“Aww, you tickle me emo” he grinned._ _

__“I’m gonna kill him” Virgil turned to him._ _

__“No, you won’t, you will behave and we will go follow plan B, okay?”_ _

__“Fine”, he agreed reluctantly, gesturing to the other two to follow him and Logan out of the museum._ _

__“I still hate this idea. They’re never going to approve of this.”_ _

__“On the contrary, I believe they will”, he said as he coaxed Patton and Remus across the entry hall._ _

__“They hate strangers, Lo.”_ _

__“Ah, but they’re not strangers, are they?”_ _

__For the remainder of their escape, Logan said nothing more, trying to get everyone to their destination discretely._ _

__As soon as they had left the museum behind them, having walked for nearly 20 minutes, Patton dared to break the silence again._ _

__“Sooooo, lovely night, right?”_ _

__“It was, until you two showed up”, Virgil muttered. “Nothing personal.”  
“Sure it wasn’t, Doctor Gloom and Doom”, Remus snorted. _ _

__“What’s with the nickname?” Virgil leaned closer to Logan as they kept on walking._ _

__“It’s a Twin Thing!” Patton said cheerfully. “He and his twin do it all the time.”_ _

__“There’s two of you? God that must be awful.”_ _

__“Hey now, we may not know each other very well-“_ _

__“You didn’t even know I existed.”_ _

__“But, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions like that, uh, Virgil?”_ _

__“Sure, whatever, I’m just glad I don’t have to put up with two of you at once.”_ _

__“Well, about that”, Logan said quietly as he stopped in front of large stone steps, “remember what I said about strangers?”_ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__Logan walked up to the door, hoping the owner of the house wouldn’t be too upset at being woken at nearly 3 in the morning._ _

__It took a few knocks and some yelling until finally, a figure in a yellow silk bathrobe opened the door, not in the slightest amused to see 4 men on their doorstep._ _

“Oh, what a _very pleasant_ surprise”, they snarled.

__“Hello, Janus. I hope we aren’t too much of a bother at the moment.”_ _

__“Why, because it’s the middle of the night?”_ _

__“Told you he would be upset.”_ _

__“Virgil, dearest, why would I be upset to see my little brother in his work gear out it the cold, with his boyfriend and two tag along ruffians standing right in front of me?”_ _

__“Okay, nevermind, I’d rather freeze to death, bye Jan”, he grunted as Logan prevented him from turning around._ _

__“Janus, please forgive our sudden visit, but we didn’t have many options left.”_ _

__“I’m sure you didn’t.”_ _

__“Everything was going fine until these two showed up”, Virgil pointed behind him._ _

__“Ah, I see”, Janus clicked his tongue._ _

__“And I told Logan you didn’t like strangers, but he didn’t listen and-“_ _

__“Janus, darling, is everything alright?” a voice inside called out._ _

__“You are correct, Virgil.”_ _

__“Is something wrong?” the voice called again._ _

__“Nothing is wrong, love, or, perhaps, that depends on what they did” Janus replied._ _

__“Wait, who’s inside”, Remus asked suddenly._ _

__“Remus, that’s not very polite of you to ask!”, Patton smacked him gently on the arm._ _

__“Ah, so this is the famous Remus Kingsley, eh?” he smirked._ _

__“How the hell would you know-“_ _

__“Then why are you-“, the owner of the voice joined Janus in the doorway, a matching red silk bathrobe hanging loosely around his shoulders, his hair tossed in an appropriate bed hair style._ _

What in the world are _you_ doing here?” the man asked, his vibrant green eyes wide with shock.

_“Me??”_ Remus yelled. “Roman, what the fuck are _you_ doing here?”

“Oh god no, please tell me this isn’t happening”, Virgil buried his face in his hands. “This is a nightmare, this is a nightmare’s nightmare.”

__“Oh come now, were it not for the fact it was 3 in the morning, I would find this highly entertaining”, Janus laughed, mismatched eyes twinkling with mischief as they put an arm around Roman._ _

__“Janus, if Remus is on our doorstep it means trouble is not far behind”, Roman sighed._ _

__“Oh come on, I’m not that-“_ _

__As soon as he tried to say _bad_ , the explosives he and Patton had placed went off, a bright neon rainbow colouring the night sky behind them, casting a colourful glow over the city._ _

__“Well, you know what they say”, Patton stammered as Janus and Roman emerged from their home, joining Logan and Virgil as they stared up at the sky._ _

__“Be gay, do crimes.”_ _


	2. Chapter 2

“Come now, you have an opening right there, _mon petit frère._ ”

Virgil frowned, a small snarl painted on hissynchin face as he watched the scene before him.

" _Je suis plus grand que toi, putain_ ", he snarled.

His brother tapped their fingers against the board in disdain. “Language, Virgil.”

“You’re the one that asked me to play with you. Hate to tell you, but that comes with the foul language.”

He reached out to take a bishop, but paused, letting his hand hover midair. The amount of possibilities were visible before him. He could easily take a knight, but that would expose him kingside. Knowing his brother, they were definitely planning something. Openings were easy to take advantage off, but could very well disguise a trap behind them.

“I didn’t ask you to come _play_ , I asked you to come _train_. You were by no means obligated to accept my offer”, Janus smiled innocently, a pawn twirling between his fingers.

“Not obligated?” Virgil scoffed, feeling a bead of sweat roll down his cheek. “I would find this pretty damn obligatory, _brother dearest._ ”

He threw up his head to gesture to the elaborate set up in study:  
Different kinds of wires, beams and display cases were strategically placed around the room, with Janus sitting comfortable in the center. On the table in front of him was a chessboard, the black and white squares faded with decades of use.

Janus put the pawn down, instead trading it for a saucer and a cup, silently taking a sip from his tea. He flicked on the light beside him, the warm yellow glow covering both him and the board.

“I have no idea what you’re implying, Virgil. It’s just a game of chess. A brotherly match, totally normal”, he looked back at the board, taking in the pieces left.

“And I merely suggested you take the opening I left for you. That bishop seemed like a good idea, why not take it?” he grinned slightly behind his cup.

“Because”, Virgil huffed, moving from one corner of the room to the other, “I am in no mood to practice glass cutting today to take it.”

Janus put down the saucer and cup, lacing their fingers together as they leaned back into his chair. “You’re the one that agreed to practice today. That means every skillset you have.”

“I did not _agree_ to this, you _forced_ me to”, he leaned down over a small wooden chest, avoiding a red beam above his head as he took a few tools from his pocket, fiddling with the lock. 

“I woke up to my suit neatly folded and a black king laying on top of it when I walked out of my room. It wasn’t exactly subtle.”

“I never said you _had_ to put it on and come join me here”, Janus crossed their legs and put a hand to their chin.

Carefully, Virgil had opened the lock. Having scanned the chest and having found no evidence of any traps or other hidden snares, he took a rook from the bottom and put it in his pocket.  
He turned around, taking a deep breath as he prepared to jump. He glanced around, letting the search lights from the balcony above them pass by, dodging those and the trip wires near the platform in the centre.

Graciously, he landed opposite Janus, placing the rook on the board and taking a pawn from his brother.

“If I hadn’t come here to play, you would have expanded this game to the entire house. Last time you did that I had to ration candy bars so I could survive the trip to the attic to take your queen. So, yes, I _had_ to come here.”

He placed his hands on his hips. “Or you would have brought the game to me, _frangin._ ” 

“Alright, alright”, Janus put up their hands, “you caught me. I admit it! I have deceived my little brother, oh, I am such a terrible person, take me away!” 

“Gods, you’re such a drama queen!” Virgil crossed his arms, feigning annoyance.

_“Me? A drama queen?_ Oh sweetie, first of all, I am a _king_. Second of all”, he leaned forward, brows furrowed as he looked at the board, moving his queen to take the rook Virgil had placed on the board only seconds ago. “I wouldn’t accuse me of being dramatic when you were the one being so erratic yesterday about that boy.”

Virgil played the redness of his cheeks off as a result of the rigorous maneuvers he performed earlier, and definitely not as a reaction to his brother mentioning the events of yesterday.

“I-, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“No?” Janus tilted his head, blonde hair framing their delicate features and obscuring their mismatched eyes from gleaming in the dim light. “I’d say you were rather frantic about all the possible outcomes of that date you had with him. Logan, was it not? Seems like an intelligent one.”

“It was not a date!” Virgil grumbled. “Just, I don’t know, an outing? With friends?”

“An outing”, Janus laughed. “Now who’s being deceitful, eh? I don’t mind you being involved with him, you know. His records are quite impressive and-“

“You promised not to look into his history!” Virgil hissed, throwing his hands up in the air.

“I did, and I _didn’t_ look into his history. Just a, routine background check. Nothing more than that”, they assured him.

Unconvinced, Virgil paced around the board, tugging at his gloves. “You also said that about the guy that tried to convince you to sell our house. And we both know where he ended up.”

Janus sighed, getting up from his chair and walking over to Virgil, he put his hands on his shoulders. “Look, it’s not my fault that man decided he wanted to double cross people who have the money and reputation to hold grudges and execute them. And if I helped those people find him by giving them a nudge in the right direction, am I really that guilty of a crime?”

“You’re guilty of being a jerk.”

Janus dipped his head, chuckling as he looked up at their younger brother. “I do what I must to protect my valuables, and like it or not, you’re one of them. Did I have to do a check on that boy? Perhaps not, but I need to know that if you he’s the one stealing your heart, he’s going to treat it right.”

“He’s not a thief. Not like us, at least”, Virgil smiled.

“Ah, romance. Absolutely disgusting. Horrible. Can’t stand it.”

“Do you ever shut up?” Virgil gently pushed them away.

They looked at him softly. Their baby brother, seventeen and already more skilled than most of the members of their trade. He felt his chest bubble, the feeling warm, but unnerving. Was it pride? Fear? A mixture of both? Janus didn’t know.

But having their brother here, falling in love for the first, and hopefully, last time, it didn’t matter. He would always be there for him. Of course, that didn’t mean he would make it _easier_ for Virgil. That was not their style after all.

“If you want me to back off, I will”, they said eventually. “He seems like a good kid, and from what I’ve gathered, he seems really interested in you, too.”

Virgil rubbed his hands together, the texture from the gloves soothing. “You really think so?”

 _“Mon petit frère.”_

“Still taller than you.”

“He’s head over heels for you, I can tell. And for what it’s worth, you have my blessing.”

“I-“, Virgil stared at the floor, unsure what to say. “Thanks, Jan.”

“Of course”, he smiled. “That being said, if he so much as looks at you wrong, they’ll be digging up his skeleton in 300 years’ time.”

“Holy shit, you are the worst”, he groaned, burying his face in his hood.

“Relax, I’m just teasing”, he turned back to his chair, placing himself across the board once more. “So”, he said.

“Your move, Virgil.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So let me get this straight”, Janus sighed, pinching the bridge of their nose.

“Good luck with that”, Roman chuckled as he put down a tray with cups and a tea pot. He then moved to join his husband on the sofa, the faint sound of the fire place crackling in the background.

“You are anything _but_ straight.”

“Lucky for you, yes”, they smiled. “But, as I was saying”, Janus turned to face their guests, “how, exactly, did you manage to screw up so badly?”

“It wasn’t our fault!” the men before him yelled in unison.

_Man. It was going to be a long night._

____

“Right, of course, it’s the fault of those poor officers chasing you. It’s not like they were doing their jobs, or anything”, Janus pouted.

__

“Janus, please, it’s embarrassing enough as it is”, Virgil appeared from the doorway, having traded his suit for black jeans and a purple hoodie. For once he was grateful for his brother hoarding his clothes so much.

__

“We already know we fucked up.”

__

“Language, brother.”

__

Virgil groaned, hands digger deeper in his pockets. _“Je sais que nous avons fait des erreurs, putain. C’est mieux comme ça, frangin?_ "

__

" Not really that much better, but I will let it slide, given your current situation.”

__

“Speaking of which”, Remus piped in. “Can you, like, explain shit?”

__

“What would you like me to explain, Mr. Kingsley?” Janus glanced over at him as he took a cup and poured some tea in it.

__

“Urgh, it sounds weird when you say it now”, Roman muttered, draping himself across Janus’ lap. “Haven’t heard that in so long.”

__

“You think that’s the weird part here?” Remus cackled. “How about the part where I haven’t seen you in years, and the first time I do, it’s you getting dick from this dude!”

__

“Hey!” Roman shot up, “Who I get dick from and what I do is none of your business! I’m allowed to have a life of my own, you know?”

__

“Didn’t you ever think to let me, _your twin_ ¸ know you got off the street into his bed?”

__

“ _Our shared bed_ ”, Janus said casually, taking a sip. “And calling our marriage a way of getting off the street is a bit crude.”

__

“You got _married?!_ ” Remus nearly jumped out of his seat.

__

“Remus, dear, calm down”, Patton put a hand on his arm. “I’m sure he has a reason for not telling you, right, Roman?”

__

Roman huffed, crossing his arms as he laid back down. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you. Hell, I wanted you as my best man, but I couldn’t.”

__

“Why, does your _husband_ not like me?” he glared at the blonde. 

__

“Oh no, they do, for whatever reason that is”, Roman looked up at Janus. “But for safety reasons, we decided against inviting anyone.”

__

“What do you mean safety reasons?” Patton asked as he moved to make space on the couch for Virgil.

__

“Well, it’s not like you want everyone to know you’re marrying one of the greatest heads of organized crime, you know?” he gestured with his hands.

__

“Good fucking gods, and you call _me_ a delinquent?” Remus scoffed.

__

“Wait wait wait”, Virgil held up his hands, interrupting the conversation. “So, is this back when you were ‘going off the grid’? Was that…to get married?”

__

“Your deductive reasoning is as marvelous as always, Virgil”, Janus put down their cup. “But yes, this was back then, more specifically, that special gig I needed Logan for, if you recall.”

__

Logan shifted awkwardly in his seat, trying to avoid getting involved to no avail.

__

“Logan?” Virgil looked puzzled. “I know you said you were not allowed to give me any details, and I don’t hold it against you that you didn’t tell me my fucking brother got married, but what, exactly, did he need you for?”

__

“Well”, Logan adjusted his glasses. “I might have, perhaps, altered, so to speak, a few files. Pulling a few strings, as they say. Just some paperwork to make it official but not too conspicuous. Changing a few names here and there, routine work, really.”

__

Virgil looked unimpressed, raising an eyebrow as he explained further.

__

“Oh, and I also officiated the ceremony”, he said lastly.

__

“You can do that?” Patton looked at him surprised.

__

“Apparently!” Virgil exclaimed. “Must’ve been quite a boring ceremony since you were only gone for a day or two.”

__

“I told you it would be a simple job”, Janus clarified, fiddling with his black pearl earring. “Nothing Logan told you was a lie. Besides, I did tell you I was changing my last name and that I was taking up permanent residence in our ancestral home.”

__

“Janus, you change names every 3 years and you were already spending most of your time here. It wasn’t exactly a wedding invitation you sent me. I’m not mad, though.”

__

“You’re not?” Logan moved to fill a cup of tea for himself, offering a cup to Virgil as well, who accepted it gladly.

__

“Of course not”, he replied, taking the cup.

__

__

“Am I a little upset I didn’t get to congratulate my brother on it? Yes. Do I dislike it that my boyfriend had to keep it a secret from me? Also yes, but I’m not mad. I know that a lot of secrets are involved with this trade, and I told you from the beginning that as long as it isn’t information that would compromise our relationship or our work, you are free to keep as many secrets as you want. You don’t need to share everything with me, you know?”

__

“I know”, Logan sighed as he looked at the dark liquid in his cup. “But that doesn’t mean that I like to do so.”

__

“As heartwarmingly disgusting as that entire thing is”, Remus spoke again, diverting the attention to himself again, “and I will definitely want to know details about that since you didn’t even tell me you got laid, which, I assume you did, given your husband looks like hella fine”.

__

“Remus!” Roman threw a pillow at him, which landed on the floor behind the couch.

__

“We have more pressing matters than the cat being out of the ball bag”, he said.

__

“Surely, it’s not _that _bad?” Patton coaxed, trying to diffuse the tension growing in the room.__

_____ _

Janus elegantly raised an eyebrow, green and amber eyes staring intently. “Oh, is that so?”

_____ _

He moved to turn on the tv, a looped breaking news broadcast coming into view.

_____ _

_“….after having left behind the statue, now broken beyond repair, the suspects moved towards the museum where a jewelry theft had just taken place. It is unknown whether or not the two are connected, and police investigators have yet to find any evidence that could lead them to apprehend the culprits._ ”

_____ _

“Damn, those reporters are fast”, Patton muttered as he stared at the screen.

_____ _

“As you can see”, Janus turned off the sound as he let them all take in the report, “getting you out of this will prove to be a bit tricky.”

_____ _

“You can say that again”, Roman whispered as he looked at the close up of the wreckage of the statue on tv. “Although I have to admit that was pretty well done, with the rainbow and such.”

_____ _

“I’m more worried about the jewelry, darling”, Janus softly put his hand through his hair. “Did you put the gems away yet, Virgil?”

_____ _

“Yeah, up in the safe, as per ushe”, he said, leaning onto Logan.

_____ _

“Alright, that’s at least one less thing we need to worry about. If they can’t find the gems they can’t accuse you of stealing them. I can try to get you all off the hook, but that won’t come easy, or cheaply.”

_____ _

“I’d say you have money enough”, Remus gestured around him. “Place looks loaded.”

_____ _

“I never said the price was in _money_ , Remus.”

_____ _

He got up from the couch, walking to the bookcase on their right. “Nor did I say _I_ was the one going to pay it.”

_____ _

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Patton looked at him worriedly.

_____ _

“It means”, Janus scanned the books on the shelf, “That you will have to work for it.”

_____ _

“Jan, come on”, Virgil stalked over to him. “Don’t let those two be involved more than they already are. I’ll go do some extra errands for you in their stead, but please, let them off the hook.”

_____ _

Patton, moved by how his future brother-in-law, although he did not know about that part yet, would offer his neck for him and Remus, pleaded instead that he wouldn’t let anyone else take blame for his own misfortunate mistake.

_____ _

“As much as I would like to be off the hook”, he said, “I don’t want anyone taking the fall for me. I knew that what I was doing could go sideways. Granted, this went waaaay more sideways than I expected.”

_____ _

“Understatement, Patton”, Logan mentioned nonchalantly.

_____ _

“And I apologize, for interrupting a crime of which I have no memory of seeing” he winked, receiving groans from both Logan and Virgil in return, “ but whatever it is you need from me, I will do it myself.”

_____ _

“You mean we, will do it ourselves”, Remus corrected him. “It takes two to tango, and the two of us will tango into jail or Hell together. Not than an angel like you has any place in Hell, hot stuff.”

_____ _

Virgil let his hands slide over his face, grumbling behind them: “That’s going to be your brother-in-law, Logan. I pity you.”

_____ _

_“Yours as well”_ , Logan neglected to say, given how that was _not_ another detail that had to be made public yet.

_____ _

“None of you are going to jail. I don’t advocate for Hell though, only for the Devil on occasion”, Janus spoke again, having found the book he was searching for.

_____ _

“But if you want those charges to disappear and for all of this to go away quietly, there is however, a solution to all of your problems.”

_____ _

Virgil eyed him warily. “What are you planning? And what part do all of us play in it?”

_____ _

“Well”, Janus opened the book and took out a small plastic card. He strode over to the coffee table, silk bathrobe flowing around him.

_____ _

“ _If_ , and I do mean _if_ ¸ I were to pull something off like that, I would need the help of some people, but they won’t help me just because of ‘friendship’, or ‘old times sake’. I would need to offer them something valuable, something worth their trouble.”

_____ _

He traced the wood engravings on the side of the table, resting near the middle. They landed on the smooth curls of a laurel wreath and slid the seemingly unmovable wood downwards, revealing a slot behind it. He explained further as he put the card in, causing a display to emerge from the surface of the table.

_____ _

“Lucky for you, I have just the opportunity for you to help me find it.”

_____ _

They entered a code on the display, and the surface of the table lit up, illuminating the room in a blue glow. Several diagrams and sealed files were projected above it, the holograms showing multiple statistics and tabs.

_____ _

“Darling, I thought we agreed to no more gigs”, Roman crossed his legs, chin resting on his hand with a pout. “You were not allowed to work more! Doctor’s orders!”

_____ _

“Just because you have a doctorate in literature does not mean you can deem every demand you have as ‘doctor’s orders’, my darling.” Janus glanced over his shoulder.

_____ _

“However, I did say I wasn’t going to work anymore, and I never break my word.”

_____ _

“Then what do you call this?” Logan moved to select one of the files, gently pulling Patton’s hand away from the holograms, on his way to meddle with everything before him, if Remus wasn’t quicker.

_____ _

“This seems like quite some work.”

_____ _

Logan moved through the files, circling through them as he pulled out his tablet again, syncing it with the table. He noticed several blueprints of a large building, presumably the one projected before them, along with a few folders about several people. Among them, he spotted a file about Patton and one about Remus.

_____ _

“Have you been keeping tabs on them?” he flicked his wrist to display the files, Patton’s large smile floating alongside Remus’ cheeky grin.

_____ _

“I’m impressed you got my good side”, Remus stared in awe.

_____ _

“You have a good side?” Roman mocked him.

_____ _

“Do you have a butt side besides the one where your face is supposed to be?”

_____ _

“We have the same fa-, nevermind Roman, just let it go.”

_____ _

“How and why do you have files about us, Janus? Or do I need to address you with a more formal title?” Patton gulped, seeing how the person before him was definitely not someone to insult by accident, given how the file before him even contained an incident from when he was 13 and set, albeit it not that intentionally, a backpack from a kid on fire.  
Was it on purpose because the kid was calling one of his friends a racist slur and because they were bullying her? Totally. Did he mean for that fire to be caused by a minor explosion that was actually his main plan? No, but hey, no one got hurt and it wasn’t that bad, and the backpack was even salvageable. Sort of. With sooth stains. And burn holes. But still salvageable!

_____ _

“I wouldn’t go so far as to address me with lord or Mr. Prince-Fouché, Patton, considering such formalities were thrown out the window the minute you set foot on my doorstep at 3 am, but as for your question about the files”, he motioned for the files to disappear as he set himself down on the edge of the sofa next to Roman, “I keep a tab on everyone that comes even near any or could become one of, my assets.”

_____ _

“We’re assets?” Remus wondered out loud.

_____ _

“No, you’re just an ass”, Roman chided. “Virgil and Logan are the assets.”

_____ _

“Now, sweetheart, I wouldn’t dismiss your brother’s potential that easily.”

_____ _

“You’re not actually considering hiring them to work for you?” Virgil looked shocked.

_____ _

“Come now Virgil”, Janus looked disappointed, “you of all people would know me better.”

_____ _

He rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms. “You don’t consider _hiring_ them because that would imply an equal exchange while in this scenario you have nothing to lose but only to gain, thus it isn’t ‘hiring’ them, as it is to ‘recruiting’ them or crudely said, ‘using them’.”

_____ _

Janus clapped their hands, straightening his back as he lauded his brother. “Well done Virgil, I am so proud of you, mwhua, so good”, he moved his hand in a kissing gesture.

_____ _

“Either way”, Logan prevented Virgil from throwing something at his brother, placing a hand on his as he asked further about Janus’ intentions.

_____ _

“What ‘potential’ are we talking about? I made it very clear from the beginning you were to leave Patton out of this business. That includes his fiancé.”

_____ _

“Ah, as I recall, I mentioned I were to leave him out of anything to keep him unaware of your occupation. An ‘Ignorance is bliss’-clause, if you will. However, that doesn’t apply anymore, does it?”

_____ _

He grinned a sharp smile at the shorter one of the brothers. “You seem to have walked into something, haven’t you, Patton?”

_____ _

“I-, I suppose so?” Patton caught a glimpse of a sour look on Logan’s face, before continuing. “Does it matter?”

_____ _

“Are you not in the slightest surprised you brother is a thief and conman?” Remus asked. “Not to mention he’s dating emo nightmare over there, whose brother is a major crime lord, who, btw is dating, no, sorry, _married to my brother_ of all people. You gotta admit, Darling Daisy, the odds of that are insane, even for my crazy bullshit.”

_____ _

“Oh, nothing surprises me about Logan anymore”, he shrugged.

_____ _

“One time Logan blackmailed the principal by hacking into his email account, finding evidence of his affair when I said the man looked at me funny. Two weeks after that I said I was sad because they cancelled a concert that my friend was going to perform at and all of a sudden they got more funding that they had in the decade before it. Or that time when this really, really bigoted professor refused to teach one of his students because of her sexuality, Logan threatened to leak evidence of his money laundering practise at a shop he owned, and then later did it anyway because he called his bluff."

_____ _

The silence that followed the room after that was deafening.

_____ _

“Or that time on the football field when-“

_____ _

“Apapapap, no one needs to know about that, okay, Patton?” Logan quickly interrupted him. “You’ve made your point.”

_____ _

“Suuuure”, Roman glanced between the two brothers. “Anyhow”, he yawned, “you were saying, darling?”

_____ _

“Yes”, Janus cleared his throat before picking up the subject again, “bottom line is, if you were to lend me your capabilities, for this, _personal project_ , I could clear your names and we will never speak of this again.”

_____ _

“You mean the work that you claimed was totally not work?” Virgil sneered.

_____ _

“This is not work, this was simply, a, how do I put it, a project a friend asked me to have a look at, and, well, who am I to decline an intriguing puzzle?”

_____ _

“That’s putting it a little lightly”, Virgil stood up from the couch taking the tablet from Logan. “According to the files and notes on this ‘intriguing puzzle’ of yours, this looks more like a level 6 heist to me. And one you need help for, as it turns out.”

_____ _

He magnified the projection of the building, showing that it was in fact the famous casino of none other than grand business mogul D. Witcher, one of the wealthiest people of the century. Aside from having established a chain of successful gambling sites, he was also notorious for being the man who owned to most land around these parts, more often than not at the expense of the people who used to live on said land.

_____ _

As expected of any sane (or in this case, insane) businessman, the building was heavily fortified: windows and doors so structurally sound you would need a heavy set of explosives to make a scratch in it. The complex of over 80 stories was guarded top to bottom, from the upper pool deck and loft, to the underground money storage.  
But as it turned out, that was not what the intended target was. Instead Janus had marked a spot on the 69th floor, at first glance a floor like any other.

_____ _

“What’s so special about this that you need all of us to help you acquire….Whatever it is you want to steal from D. Witcher?”

_____ _

“It’s not so much stealing as it is returning, hm?” Janus moved to show the object of their interest. “You would understand that, don’t you, Virgil?”

_____ _

Virgil blew the bangs from his face, looking at the object floating before him.

_____ _

“A suitcase?” 

_____ _

“A suitcase.”

_____ _

“Now hold up”, Remus stood up, standing before the table. “You want us, two random guys you just met and your brother and his boyfriend, to help you with a crime, for which, if we get caught, the punishment is even worse than the one we face now, and said crime, is to break into a heavily fortified casino, _to steal a fucking suitcase._?”

_____ _

“Correct”, Janus stated plainly.

_____ _

“Sounds insane”, Remus chuckled halfheartedly. ”I’m in.”

_____ _

“What’s so important about that suitcase?” Logan asked. “Is it filled with immeasurable wealth?”

_____ _

“Immense treasure?” Patton added further.

_____ _

“That is for me to know and for you to not ask about, understood?” Janus stated clearly.

_____ _

“Yes sir, ma’am, erm, captain”, Patton half saluted him.

_____ _

“Anyway”, Roman joined Janus at the table, leaning on his shoulder. “This project of yours, it means you’ll be working again, huh?”

_____ _

“I believe so. All in the interest of helping your brother, among other things”, they replied.

_____ _

“Well, I suppose that means you want to wield my expertise as well?” he smiled softly, mischief twinkling in his green eyes.

_____ _

“If you would be so kind, of course.”

_____ _

Remus made a motion to separate the two, who were seemingly leaning in for a kiss. “And what expertise would that be, exactly?”

_____ _

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?” Roman grinned.

_____ _

“Well yes, that’s why he asked”, Logan interjected. “But he is not a weather boy, to my knowledge?”

_____ _

“Lo, let it pass”, Patton tapped his knee. “So, what is it you want from us, exactly?”

_____ _

Roman slipped past his husband, letting his bathrobe swell around him.

_____ _

“Well, Patton, that depends”, he smirked.

_____ _

“Depends on what?”

_____ _

Roman grinned, gently booping Patton on the nose, to Remus’ dismay.

_____ _

“What’s your dress size and vocal range, pretty boy?”

_____ _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phase one of Janus' plan has begun. Their target? Well, wouldn't you like to know ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Sexual innuendos, swearing. As always let me know if you want me to add something!

For a late winter’s day, whatever gods where out there had decided to bless this band of misfits with a sunny day. The so called “Storm of Six”, the twins had dubbed them, was the only disaster weather yet to come so it seemed.

Or, you could attribute it to the careful planning Janus had concocted for this whole ordeal. If they could make it so that he could transport them all to their set out location, some string pulling to make it their now wanted companions remained undetected, then checking the weather wasn’t exactly laborious either.

Janus had taken a seat on a terrace near the edge of the city plaza, ordering a cup of chamomile tea as he gently smiled at the waitress who placed it down before him with some sugars and a biscuit. They would have liked having Roman with him, but they had already conceded to him and Patton going to fetch what they needed on their part, and for now, the four of them would do.

Glancing from behind his golden tinted sunglasses, he took in the view from his café corner. 

The distance between his own home and their new residency wasn’t more than 2 days of traveling, yet they couldn’t possibly be from the same world.

Whereas their home town was a maze of grey blocks and iron fences, speckled with some drops of colour from parks and large mansions few residents could afford, such as his own, this one was made to be the exact opposite in every single way:

Unlike the ashen cobblestone that lined the edges of the restaurants and cafés at home, here, warm and light sandstone reflected the glow of the sun upon it’s citizens, enhancing the cheeriness with which they went about their days. Lucious rose bushes bloomed around the terrace, while the one across the plaza sported rows and rows of tulips, lilies and irises. In the middle of plaza stood a grand fountain, the only structure with a darker tint, but with the way its water jets danced it created enough rainbows to paint the thing five times over.

However, the real attraction of the town, was the building they came here for.

Janus poured some sugar in his tea as he let his gaze linger on the massive steps of the casino and hotel, examining every guests that walked in and out of it. The tall, glass twisted structure made it seem like everyone was but an ant, brining in another addition to the wealth of the colony, and in a way, they were.

The sleek spires edged outward like a crown, resting on top of a king looking out over its citizens and Witcher was sure to let everyone know how brilliant his reign was.

As Janus took a bite from his biscuit, he casually tore his gaze from the casino, instead looking at the blur of green and blue near the fountain.

“Are you in position?” he said after taking a sip from his tea to wash away the biscuit, discreetly tapping on his earring while he tucked a stray hair behind his ear.

The blur of green and blue set up closer towards the casino, and Janus could see a camera being set up, an affirmation from his companions.

“As soon as Remus is ready, we can begin”, Logan’s voice replied.

“Oh please,” Remus mocked, “I was born ready.”

Janus caught him from the corner of his eye, moving to pose in front of the fountain.

Logan slowly blinked at that, adjusting the camera once more to focus on the entrance of the casino. “You do realize I’m not actually going to take pictures of you? At least, not more than necessary in case anyone asks what we’re doing.”

Remus let his leather boots rest against the stone base, his green leather jacket dropping to his elbows in showing off his low cut tie dye crop top. “Like you don’t enjoy seeing me in this” he grinned.

Logan, unimpressed, looked back through the lens. “Frankly, I’m impressed with how you’re alright being seen in public in something as gaudy as that, but I don’t judge your preferences. If I did, I would have judged Patton for liking you, wouldn’t I?”

A snort was heard, coming from a guy in a jeans jacket and purple beanie setting up a speaker and sound system not too far from them. “I believe you just got burned, Remus”, Virgil joined in the conversation.

Remus put his foot down, cargo pants seamlessly blending into his boots as he twirled around with his hands on his hips. “Excuse you, Patton has exquisite taste! Especially when it comes down to Netflix and chill.”

“What does his taste in movies have to do with-“

“Logan”, Virgil interrupted him, “don’t take the low hanging fruit. It’s not worth it.”

“Virgie, if it is low hanging fruit you’re after-“

“Stop”, Logan held up a hand. “What my brother does with you in his free time is none of my business. If you make him happy, that’s all that matters. The details on how are not of my interest.”

“Oh, I make him happy alright” Remus smirked as he trotted back to his spot, pretending to pose, or, actually posing for that matter.

“You better”, Virgil said from afar, stretching his arms and neck, purple bangs gleaming in the sunlight. “Or Logan will murder you. And I will gladly assist.”

“You really think I would hurt him?” Remus asked, a hint of insecurity in his voice.

Logan zoomed in on the entrance, having taken a few pictures of some of the security guards already. “I don’t think you will. If I thought so, I wouldn’t have agreed to your relationship, let alone your wedding”, he said.

“Nonetheless, I’d rather not see my brother upset. Patton has a tendency to offer his heart up to everyone he meets, and he has suffered the consequences of it plenty of times before.”

He looked up from his camera, sternly locking eyes with Remus. “You’re the first one I’ve seen him hesitate in doing so. Patton doesn’t just want to offer his heart to you, how beaten it may be, but he is offering you his soul. I don’t think you’re the type to take advantage of that, but if he were to lose some of the light he carriers around because of you, I will not hesitate to take away yours. Permanently.”

Remus turned up his collar, pushing his sleeves past his elbow as he placed himself in front of Logan, eyes trained on Logan’s icy blue ones.

“I would rather _die_ , than to be the reason Patton loses even a single ounce of his cheerfulness, you hear me? You can threaten me all you want, and even now that I know you weren’t just joking all this time about being able to put action to your words, I will do what I can to make sure he’s as happy with me as I am with him.”

Logan rose to meet him, and taking in the way Remus clenched his jaw, straightening his back to hold his gaze even when Logan was taller than him by a good few inches, he remained firmly rooted in his place, until eventually, he smiled, breaking their eye contact.

“You were right, the intimidation really brought out his true feelings”, he said in his earpiece, a blue pearl earring similar to Janus’.

“Told you fear is a good motivator” Virgil smirked.

“Excuse me”, Remus waved his hands around, “Emo Virgin thought _scaring_ me was a good idea?”

“I’m not a vi-, sure, yeah whatever, fear is always a good motivator to show what someone truly cares about”, he replied.

“Okay, first of all I am _not_ scared, only insulted you’d think so lowly of me. Then again, who doesn’t besides Patton.”

“Hey, I do not-“

“Secondly”, he put a finger to Logan’s mouth as he silenced him, “ the fact that you need to ask your own boyfriend for advice about your future-brother-in-law is just adorable. Sickeningly adorable, but still.”

“Like you haven’t had any conversations about me with Patton”, Logan muttered.

Remus removed his hand, waving it around as he winked at Logan. “Of course I have. I asked about all kinds of stuff, like for example, your dick si-“

“Can you, like for once, shut up” Virgil glared from his set up while stretching his legs. “Like, are you capable of talking about literally anything else but that?”

“Why, are you scared I’m coming for your boyfriend? Not that he’s that unpleasant to look at, I mean, judging from how gorgeous Patton is there are some traces of the good genetics in there.”

Virgil placed his arms on the grounds, arching his back over them and letting his feet hang above his head. “Were it not for the rules set out by my brother I would have killed you when I met you”, he whispered through gritted teeth.

“Yes, as for those”, Janus spoke again, his tea cup halfway finished. “I thought we were clear on the subject of this trip. And on the way you are to behave while we are here.”

“Apologies Janus” Logan extended a hand to Remus. “Are we…” he scrunched his nose as he thought about the words he was looking for, “Cool?”

“Yeah”, Remus clasped his hand instead of shaking it. “We cool bro. Still don’t like your cock sucker over there” he shook his head towards Virgil.

_“Mes dieux tu m’emmerdes tellement, toi, blaireau !“_

“What was that you French speaking fuck?”

“Gentlemen” , Janus spoke slowly, taking a wipe from his front pocket to clean his sunglasses. “May I remind you of what is at stake?”

“Sorry” the men both growled over coms, leaving any unresolved tension for later.

Janus put his glasses back, letting his hair fall behind them. “Marvelous. Now, Virgil. Three o’clock.”

Virgil glanced over his shoulder in the direction his brother mentioned, spotting the target. “Got it.”

“Logan, Remus, are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be”, the men moved the camera and their set up more to their right.

“Well then”, Janus slowly stood up, taking his yellow blazer from his chair and leaving a generous tip for the waitress as he strode across the plaza. “Showtime.”

As he passed Virgil, he tipped his sunglasses slightly, signaling him to start the music. As Virgil let the music start, he announced himself:

“Ladies, lords and non-binary royalty!” he spoke loudly, not intending to thank Roman for that introduction later. “May I have your attention please!”

He started moving around at a pace that was already attracting more of a crowd that he anticipated, still keeping his eyes on the target.

Towards the far end, a small group was making their way towards the casino, the attention of the people in it focused on the one in front:

He sported dark tinted sunglasses, the rims golden, complimenting the golden jewelry in his ears and around his fingers, holding up a coffee cup.

He held his bomber jacket in his other hand slung over his shoulder, soaking up the warmth from the sun. He halted in front of the stairs, right next to where Virgil was starting to attract a larger crowd as soon as he spotted a familiar face.

“Janus, babes, I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Hello, Remington” Janus put on a charming smile, his signature greeting.

“Tsk, I told you to just call me Remy. You sound like pops.”

“Remy, I am offended!” Janus put a hand to their chest. “I could never!”

Remy rolled his eyes and handed his drink to one of the girls in his entourage. “Ever the dramatic one, aren’t you?”  
He put a hand to his hip. “So, what brings you to our fine city? The dry wasteland around it? The sky high real estate? Or just the fine company”, he gestured to himself.

Janus laughed, gesturing to have a stroll before Remy went into the casino. “No, just meeting up with some friends here, that’s all.”

Remy briefly told his followers to head towards the hotel without him before joining Janus on his walk. “Ah, all business then, huh? Come on babes, you know you don’t need to tiptoe around me so much, unless you want to dance?” he winked.

“Nothing of the sorts, but I’ll take a raincheck on the dance, Remy”, they made their way towards the crowd.

“Janus, come on girl, we both know you don’t just go on leisurely activities, especially here. So, what’s the sitch, really?”

Janus sighed, stopping abruptly. “Guilty as charged. I’m here to make an investment.”

“An investment? Here? What could you possibly invest in besides the chips you’ll definitely lose back in there?” he gestured to the casino.

“Well, maybe today is my lucky day” he took off his sunglasses.

Virgil noticed the signal and spun around once more, seemingly making pigeons appear from his jacket.

“Next, I need a volunteer! You there, sir! With the dark sunglasses and the pretty smile!” he pointed at Remy.

“No offense but I’m pretty sure he means me”, he smiled at Janus before answering Virgil. “I don’t do magic tricks, kid, unless it’s a magic night you want to have!”

“Oh, it seems we have a little stage fright, don’t we?” Virgil glanced at the crowd. “Or, is it, that you’re afraid of a little magic? I promise I won’t make you disappear.”

Remy chuckled, clicking his tongue at the remark. “Are you calling me a chicken?”

“I mean, I would also call you a hot chick, but I’ll you decide on that” Virgil winked, getting a ‘oooh’ from the crowd.

“Damn he’s really good at this” Remus muttered over coms.

“Oh, you have no idea”, Logan grinned from behind the camera.

Remy considered his words, glancing back and forth between him and Janus, who gave him an apologetic shrug, until eventually, he gave in, almost crashing into one of the spectators before joining him in the middle of the crowd.

“Alright then babes, what do you want?” 

“Nothing more than just your attention” Virgil smiled. “Now”, he flashed a stack of cards, shuffling them back and forth while circling around Remy. 

“I need you, to pick a card” he held out the cards spread out like a fan in his hands.

“Really, a card trick?” he scoffed.

“Hey, it’s a classic! And, you can ask everyone here, I haven’t disappointed anyone yet! Isn’t that so, folks?”

The crowd cheered, the attention Virgil gained with it making him scream with anxiety from within. Still, he kept his cool.

“So, if you would be so kind.”

He held up the cards again.

“Alright, alright, don’t want to rain on your parade!” Remy picked a card near the end of the deck.

“Okay now, hold it up for everyone to see, but don’t show me” he turned his head away from him, making sure he didn’t appear to be looking at the card as Remy held up the ace of spades.

“Okidoki, now put it back in the deck!” 

Virgil shuffled the deck, flipping them from one hand to the other. “Now, as I’ve already told everyone here, magic is just as much seeing as it is believing, so tell me Remy, are you a believer?”

He fanned out the cards in one hand has he placed one on Remy’s shoulder, circling around him as he swapped cards from hand to hand, an intricate dance between him and his target.

“A believer in magic? That depends”, he tracked the man in the beanie going around him, “how good of a magician you are.”

Another ‘ooh’ escaped the crowd as Virgil stopped in front of him. “Sir, I am shocked you would doubt me!”

Virgil fanned the cards once more, this time displaying them for the crowd. “Does anyone of you see the card in this deck?”

After a few muttered ‘no’s’ Virgil turned back to Remy, who seemed disappointed. “Aw come now babes, I expected something better than that.”

Virgil sighed, scratching his head as he held the deck of cards back in his hand. “Man, I thought it was in there. I just know it is! Maybe I need to see it from a different perspective”

He divided the stack of cards in his hands, flicking them upwards in a fluid motion. Cards starting littering the ground, obscuring him and Remy from the crowd for a few seconds before his hands were empty, and the cards all fallen.

“Your trick was to throw your cards away? Really?” Remy chuckled.

“Was that the trick?” Virgil smiled, taking a step backwards towards his speaker. “Come now, surely you must now”, he stepped on top of a box. 

“Magicians always have an ace up their sleeve” he pointed towards the ground.

They glanced down and noticed a shape hidden underneath the cards. Quickly, they brushed away the cards, revealing the large shape of a black spade right where Remy was standing, resulting in a thunderous applause from the crowd.

“Thank you all, have a great day!” Virgil bowed and shut off his mic, clearing his set up from the scene.

Janus clapped while the crowd dispersed, joining Remy once more. “It seems you really brought the magic.”

Remy laughed, patting Janus on his shoulder. “Always do babes. Now,” he adjusted his glasses, “I hate to leave you without my presence so soon, but I gotta go. Lunch meeting and such, you know how it goes.”

“Of course”, Janus simpered politely. “It was nice seeing you again, Remy.”

“You too Jan”, he waved as he walked towards the stairs.

Janus made way towards the café where he came from, rounding the building until he found the others waiting for him.

“You got it?” he asked his brother.

“What did you expect” he held up a black and gold key card, the logo of the casino printed on front.

“Perfectly executed as always”, Logan beamed at him, “as is the norm.”

Remus grunted , scratching his moustache. “Hate to admit it, but that was pretty damn impressive. Even though I helped you with the finale.”

“Yeah, yeah, thank you chemical genius”, he nudged him in his side, gaining a knuckle sandwich in return.

Janus cleared his throat, tapping his fingers on his arms as they waited.

“Right, uh, here” Virgil handed him the card. 

Janus grinned, as he took in the golden letters on the back:

_Remy Witcher: All access_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some nice platonic Royality shopping <3 Have fun with a fluffy chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Swearing, mentions of explosions, blackmail and murder but nothing explicit. Let me know if I should add anything!

“You know, when you said we were going shopping, I didn’t think we would be buying _so much_ ”, Patton mumbled from behind the pile of bags he was carrying.

“Darling”, Roman turned around, skirt twirling with him. _“You_ were the one that wanted to get so much.”

Patton spotted a bench nearby, eyeing it with pleading eyes. Roman chuckled, taking some of the bags and placing them next to him as he sat down.

“I know most of this is for…for me” Patton breathed, arms sore from carrying all of their purchases. “Still, I didn’t think you’d get me _everything_ I liked.”

“Why not?” Roman put his sunglasses on top of his wavy hair. “Just because we didn’t _need_ more than those dresses doesn’t mean you can’t have them.”

“But Janus-“

“Won’t mind if I said I went on a shopping spree. I have the money to buy you something nice, just let me do it for you, okay?”

Patton couldn’t help but smile at the gracious nature Roman showed him. “You don’t even know me that well. Frankly, spending so much money on a, a stranger? I don’t know, it seems like I owe you for it.”

“Patton”, Roman stared at the shoppers passing by. “Did Remus ever tell you about our childhood?”

“Well, yes, bits and pieces” he replied. “He doesn’t like talking about it much. Why?”

He sighed deeply. “Do you think I am able to spend so much money because of my marriage to Janus?”

“What?” Patton adjusted his glasses. “I don’t-, I mean I suppose it helps? But I didn’t mean you were taking advantage of them.”

“I won’t lie to you” Roman perched his lips, a thin smile on his face. “Janus has accumulated quite a fortune over the years. And they treat me right, they really do. But I like to spend the money I earned _myself_.”

He cradled the dress, folding it gently over his lap. “I was never the smart one, you know? Remus, he has the brains, the bravado, the intellectual creativity to go out there, make a living. Hell, he’s got a degree in chemical engineering! Bloody bastard.”

“Only because you made it possible for him.”

Roman turned around, taken aback by the statement. 

“He told me”, Patton spoke softly. “How you worked every job you could find, giving up on going to school yourself so Remus could. He-, he talks about it. He really appreciates it.”

He rubbed his neck, a small chuckle cutting through the conversation as he did so. “I suppose I should thank you for it, too. If he hadn’t been able to go to university, I don’t think I would have met him, let alone fall in love with him, try to blow up a statue, succeed and then be involved in this grand scheme.”

Roman smiled. “Yeah, I suppose so.”

“He, uhm, also told me you wanted to be an actor? Growing up, I mean.”

Roman reminisced in the memory, acting out grand plays before his parents. “I did. Still would have liked that. But I can’t afford to do that now, can I?”

He sighed happily. “I made a living with music. Composed songs, recorded some, taught a few grand names how to make something that isn’t just random noise. It took me a while, but I managed to make a living out of something I liked to do. No teachers, no one to back me up when things went sour, don’t ever tell Remus that, though.”

“And then” he twirled the handles of a bag in his fingers, “then I met Janus. To be fair, he did use my act to sneak backstage and do one of his cons, but there was something about them. Something about the way he appreciated what I did, even if it was just for a distraction. Funny thing is, we kept running into each other. Almost every gig I was at, they were there. And they weren’t there for the buffet, let me tell you.”

“Sounds like you were the only _snack_ they were interested in” Patton winked.

Roman grimaced. “You spend too much time with my brother.”

“But yes, I suppose so. After a while, we got in touch via via, and maybe, I kind of liked being in a different kind of spotlight.”

“You really love each other, don’t you?” 

He chuckled. “Yeah…We bicker of course, but I suppose it was simply meant to be.”

“And the crime thing was also, not that deterring”, Patton added.

“Okay yes maybe that was fun too” Roman waved his hand. “You should see their faces whenever their funding mysteriously goes back into bank accounts of those they emptied by extorsion. And” he tucked a stray hair behind his ear, “the way Janus smiles when he’s completed a job, it’s…It’s special. You know that smile you have as a kid, when you discover something worked even when you thought it wouldn’t? That flip you thought you could never make, the building you never thought you could top high enough until you take a step back and see what you’ve created?”

“Yeah?”

“ _That_ sort of smile. If I could help make that smile appear more often, I wouldn’t hesitate to do so. Neither of us had the privilege of getting things handed on a silver plate, metaphorically speaking, I mean, Janus did have those growing up, but the point is, we both had to work hard to get where we are. And I think that’s what we appreciate of each other.”

Patton looked back at the bags at his feet. “That’s…that’s pretty sweet, Roman.”

“So, it’s not that I want to throw around money to show how much I got now.”

He simpered, his emerald eyes so similar to Remus and yet so different. “I just want to give you something nice, like I would have liked to growing up. When you have the means to do it, and there’s no real consequence, why not just get something that makes you happy? And you looked very happy in those skirts, Patton.”

“I did really like them…” he admitted.

“And I’m sure Remus will like seeing you in them too” Roman grinned.

“You really think so?”

“Darling, Remus has no fashion taste whatsoever. But he does have good taste in men, I’ll give him that”, he gently nudged him in his side. 

“Besides, from everything he told me those times we did talk over the phone, he’s very fond of you, in and out of clothes.”

Patton’s cheeks reddened, almost a rival to Roman’s dress. “Good heavens, Roman!”

He hit him on his shoulder. 

“What, just saying what he told me,” he gave him a cheeky grin. 

“I know, and I’m not denying it,” Roman perked an eyebrow and Patton quickly continued before he had a chance to react to that, “But you’re usually not the type to make….statements, like that.”

“I’m also not the type to marry a crime boss, am I?”

“Alright, alright,” Patton gave him that one, “we got a smart aleck over here.”

“If you want smart you should talk to either Janus or Logan. They’re the brilliant ones.”

Patton chuckled. “You know, for a genius, Logan does have his moments where his brain, how do I say it, _short circuits_.”

“Ah, yes”, Roman leaned back against the wooden bench. “The football field incident?”

“Oh, oh that too, but I meant” he looked around, making sure no one was eavesdropping. “One time, when I just got into uni, around the time I met Remus, Logan let me stay at his place for a while till I found a dorm that suited me. I suppose that he had gotten back from one of his jobs with Virgil, but back then I had no idea.”

“What did he do?” Roman shuffled closer to him, curious to learn more.

“My sleeping schedule was all over the place, which, granted, what student didn’t, so I was up late at night revising something for a test, when I heard noises in the kitchen. I went over to look what it was and found Logan behind the counter, fridge half open.”

Patton gestured with his hands for emphasis. “And I think he had a serious case of jetlag, because when I called him, he just stared at me and said _“Bonne nuit”_ and fell face first into a bowl of jam.”

“Sorry, did you say, _bowl_ of jam?”

“Oh yeah, I’m not kidding. There was a fresh pot of coffee in the fridge for some reason, cereal in the sink, and Logan with a bowl of jam and a spoon. Don’t ask me what he was going for, but I believe he failed.”

“This is… _such good blackmail material”_ , Roman’s eyes shun with mischief. “Oh, wait till I tell Janus about this.”

“You can’t tell anyone! Logan will murder me if he finds out.”

“Come now, how in the world will he find out? It’s not like they’re watching us and listening to every word we say.”

As if on cue, Roman’s phone started to ring, which he nearly dropped in a panic.

“Hello?” his voice was slightly trembling.

_“Hello dearest, have you gathered what you need?”_

“Oh, Janus, hi sweetheart” Roman mouthed at Patton, breathing a sigh of relief. “Yes, we’ve got the dresses and then some. Oh I also got the suits for you and the others, which wasn’t easy since they didn’t come along to get fitted.”

_“No time for that while we’re on the job, Roman.”_

“But this is a job! You don’t see me and Patton not taking our singing routine seriously either, are you?”

_“Of course not, darling. I expect quite the show from the two of you.”_

“Oh you can be sure of that!” Roman excitedly eyed Patton. “The man sings like an angel, tell Remus he was right about that.”

_“I’m sure he’d love to hear that-“_

_“Tell Roman he better not have fucked with him!”_

_“Remus, try shouting in the phone one more time, I dare you.”_

_“Sorry snake face, can’t help myself.”_

_“When can you ever help yourself?”_

_“Touché.”_

_“Anyway,_ ” Janus continued, _“We’ve acquired our package. We’ll meet back at our room in 30. Don’t be late, or I might try and track you down.”_

“Janus, you know that kind of intimidation doesn’t work on me”, Roman smiled.

_“No, but you’re smiling, aren’t you?”_

“How did-“

_“Je t’aime aussi, mon chéri."_

" _Tu as de chance que tu es mignon"_ , he replied.

 _"Peut-être, oui"_ , they chuckled. " _I’ll see you soon."_

" _Au revoir,"_ Roman put the phone back into his pocket.

“Does every single one of you speak French fluently?” Patton wondered aloud.

“Well, it _is_ the language of love. It’s not my fault me and Logan just happen to have fallen in love with _deux francophones_. It’s only normal we know their language at least a little bit. Just how I know you use a little bit of French around Remus too.”

Patton tugged at his curls. “He really does tells you a lot about me, doesn’t he.”

“In a good way” Roman assured him. “He only talks about things he loves. And he talks about you about 69% percent of the time. The rest is…you know. Remus things.”

“Nothing wrong with that!”

“I didn’t say that!” Roman defended. “But you gotta admit, some things I really wish I didn’t know. Like, the zombie thing.”

“Oh, yeah” Patton sighed fondly. “The zombie thing.”

“You really are a strange man, Patton.”

“Says the singer and husband of a crime lord.” 

“You got me there, mon ami”, Roman got up, grabbing some of the bags. 

“Shall we get going then? Don’t want to keep our loved ones waiting, do we?”

“Of course not,” Patton stared at the blue dress on his arm as he got up.

“Are you sure this will be okay?”

“The dress?” Roman replied as they passed the shops they had visited a few hours ago. “It looked absolutely _stunning_ on you, honey. It’s better than okay!”

“No, no, I know _that_ , I meant, do you think the plan will work? I’m not really the flashy, showy kind of guy. That’s more Remus’ thing. Not to mention I’m not really that good of a singer, I don’t want to ruin everything.”

Roman put his hand on his shoulder, bags shaking on his wrists. “Patton, take it from me, you’ll do amazingly. Performing is not just about how good you are, it’s also about how good you are _feeling_. If you’re having fun, that’s all that matters. You think I’ve never sung a false note in my life? Tripped on stage?”

“Honestly I can not imagine that happening to you, no.”

He chuckled, warm and tenderly: “If you’ve never fallen before how do you know how to improve? We all make mistakes. I don’t like them, not in the slightest, and I do need a lot of ice cream to cheer me up afterwards, but they’re a part of growing and improving your skills, as is with a lot of things in life.”

“Yes, but making a mistake with this might cost us our livelihood, our lives, our freedom, not necessarily in that order”, Patton pointed out.

“Okay, okay, that’s true”, he admitted, “but remember I’ve performed for much worse. So when I say you can do it, you can do it. If anything, I’d thought you’d be more worried about the other part of the routine.”

“You mean the one that is a criminal offence and will get me arrested if caught?”

“Yeah, that one!”

“Wires, explosives and schematics are my thing” Patton explained. “I have no doubt about my skills as a mechanic that I can do it. Especially if I have Remus and Logan to help me. The finer works of IT are more his thing, and Remus always makes sure the chemical part of it is triple checked.”

“You do realize it’s not just a statue you’re blowing up, right? If those things don’t work, we’re screwed.”

“You don’t know that” he refuted.

“Padre, if even one of those gets detected by all of the security measures Witcher has in his place, we’re done for.”

“Don’t surmise my talents, Roman. I can assure you they won’t be detectable.”

“But will they _work?_ ”

“Look, I know I’ve never made anything like it before, nor have I ever tried to create something this intricate, but they _will_ work. I bet my wedding on it.”

“Wow, wow, that’s a heavy statement, man. Throwing my own twin under the bus like that?” they whined sarcastically. “I am shocked, appalled, flabbergasted, dismayed, stupefied, _offended!_ ”

“Geez, no need to _blast off_ like that.”

“As long as you don’t have a _short fuse_ it should be alright” Roman said back.

“Oh, good one!” Patton chirped. “Thought I’d get a more _explosive_ reaction.”

“Now, I may be a _bomb_ of a man, but I can appreciate the playing of words. Why wouldn’t I?”

“It usually annoys Logan, so I don’t blame you if you get annoyed with it too.”

“Patton” he took him by his shoulders, “on my honour as a prince-,”

“Just because your last name is Prince-…”

“I am a prince _at heart_ , shush”, he exaggeratedly put a finger on his lips to silence him, “on my honour as a prince, I can assure you, you can make as many puns as you like, as long as they…”

He spun around in front of him, graciously bowing with his skirt in his hands:

_“Blow me away.”_

Patton grasped the dress in his arms, snickering as Roman posed royally before him

“I can’t believe I got bested in puns!” he wiped away a tear.

“There will be more of that mark my words!” 

Roman continued their stroll.

“I can’t be bested by my soon-to-be-brother-in-law, right?”

It dawned on Patton as soon as Roman said it. They would be brothers, and by extension, so would Janus and Virgil.

“I can’t believe that’s going to happen”, he whispered, joining Roman again.

“Are you not looking forward to that?” Roman asked, a slight hint of hurt in his voice

“Oh, no I do!” Patton quickly replied. “I love having you as my brother-in-law! I just realized, that would mean we’ll all be brothers in some way. Like you’re Remus’ brother, and so Janus and Virgil will also become family, especially since Logan is planning on proposing to Virgil.”

“He is?”

“He’s not very subtle about it, you know. I mean, I didn’t know back then it was about Virgil, but really.”  
Patton moved in front of him, walking backwards towards the exit. He adjusted his glasses and straightened his hair as he cleared his throat, the same way his brother did.

 _“Patton, I require your assistance. Would this ring be acceptable as a means to a proposal?”_ he spoke sternly.

He mussed his hair again.

“Why Logan, I didn’t know you were that serious with someone!” he put a hand to his heart.

_“I am merely interested in the mechanics of the bond of marriage, I am definitely not planning on asking anyone to marry me. No, I am not blushing because I am totally, madly in love with him.”_

Roman wheezed, hand to his face. “I can’t believe you two are even related!”

“How often do you hear that about you and Remus huh,” Patton smirked.

_“Touché.”_

“See, you even sound like him!”

“Well, we _are_ twins. It’s a family thing.”

“This whole plan is a family thing, you know”, Patton pointed out as they left the mall.

“You know what, it really is” Roman looked across the parking lot for their car. “In fact, this is our first activity together, without Remus even.”

“And shopping nonetheless” Patton chuckled. “Again, thank you for everything, Roman. I owe you big time. I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”

“You already gave me a wonderful time today, Pat. That’s more than enough. If we manage to get away with all of this, you and I should definitely do this again.”

“Without the hidden intention behind buying dresses like these, of course.”

“Naturally, although I would definitely get you another dress like that. It fit you so nice! Oh!”

Roman put their bags in the car and clasped his hands together “Would you, maybe, if it’s okay….”

“Would I what?” Patton looked at him curiously.

“Could I come along when you get your wedding outfit?”

Roman nervously twirled the car keys in his hand. “I mean, I will already go with Remus, that is, if he still wants me to. But I would be honored if I could be a part of both of your fittings, cause I just, I always hoped I could….Gods this sounds so vain of me, I wanted to be sure that all went smoothly and be sure everything looked alright for his wedding d-“

Patton didn’t give him a chance to finish his explanation, having wrapped his arms around him tightly, burying his face in his neck.

“ _Of course you can_ , Roman. I’d love to have you there.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah!” he released him after one more tight squeeze. “Honestly I was already ecstatic to have Logan with me, but if I can have even more of my friends with me, that would be perfect!”

“We’re not friends Patton” Roman held him back at arm’s length.

“W-we’re not?”  
“Nah”, he shook his head.

He held out his fist. “We’re brothers.”

Patton nearly squealed at those fond little words before adding his fist along with his.

“Brothers.”

“Planning heist.”

“Conning rich men.”

The gave each other a wild smile.

_“The family business.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: sexual innuendos, mentions of someone’s sex life, mentions of bashing someone’s skull in and jumping out of a plane, swearing
> 
> Ngl, this is...a super messy chapter but it's written, it's here, it's queer, I'm tired and you're here to read it! Enjoy!

There weren’t a lot of things that unnerved Remus. Frankly, you need to come up with something really incredible or bizarre to get to him. In his lifetime, this had only happened once or twice, a prime example was during his internship as a forensic assistant in the bio-chemistry department during a particular case he’d rather not think about anymore.

However, nothing really unsettled him like waiting. Especially waiting for something planned.

Remus was a chemist. He knew that sometimes waiting was necessary to get results, but at those times, he could go work on something else. Whether it was another project, writing, drawing, music, it didn’t matter, as long as it was something.  
Planning a heist? That wasn’t on his to do list, but it sure was something else than waiting for his ‘potions’, as he liked to call his experiments, to brew.

They had arrived back at their shared suite a few minutes ago, and right now they were waiting for Roman and Patton to appear from the bathroom, as soon as they were done getting dressed for the next part of their plan.

So, for now, they had to wait until they were done. He tapped his feet, thinking back on the last time he was waiting this nervously.  
\--------------------------------------------------------  
“Come on Remus, keep it cool, you can do this”, he whispered to himself. 

He was sitting in the park, waiting for Patton to return from work, way earlier than he normally did because his thoughts screamed at him to be on time because _‘if you’re late he’s not going to listen to you and then he will walk away and he will hate you and he will never look at you agai-‘_

He shook his head, trying to restart his head, erasing the remnants of his intrusive thoughts like an Etch-a-Sketch. 

See, this was why he didn’t like waiting. His thoughts would get too loud, too prominently present for him to think about anything else. But at times when even being busy wouldn’t help scare them away, there was always Patton.

Patton who would talk to him about how he took some left over cookies from the bakery to give to the kids from their neighborhood. Who would giggle whenever Remus poked him in his sides to be close to him, to have him squirm a little in his arms, but never too far away. Patton who would hug him, give him a kiss on his head and not let go whenever the thoughts were spilling out and he couldn’t stop them, couldn’t stop shaking.

Patton, who was _worth_ waiting for.

Remus shook his leg, tapping his hands on his knees and checking his phone. He shouldn’t be this nervous, he knew. For once, he had the whole thing planned out. He talked it out with Roman, made sure he had the right measurements, he even asked Logan, however awkward that was. He had a plan.

But the fact that he _did_ have a plan, meant that more things could go _wrong_. If you don’t plan, then there’s no set out path you can stray from, right? You can just go from one thing to another and whether or not that’s bad or not, that’s okay, because you didn’t have a plan either way! Yeah, he knew that sometimes there are procedures and guidelines, but hey, what’s a guideline if not a skipping rope for the mad?

Now, he was going mad, and not the good kind.

Patton’s shift should have ended 6 minutes ago, which meant he would be here in 4. Remus glanced at his phone again, a message from Roman visible:

_“Break a leg, bro. You can do it. But don’t, actually break a leg.”_

He smiled sadly, wishing they could meet up again instead of always talking on the phone or via text. He hadn’t seen Roman in person for so long, if they weren’t twins, he might have forgotten what he looked like.

_‘I might snap my own leg from the way I’m bouncing it’_

_‘Well that wouldn’t help you routine, would it?’_

He was about to reply he could shove the routine where the sun don’t shine when finally, 3 minutes after he expected him there, Patton showed up, bag slung over his shoulder and flour remnants still visible on his pants.

“Sorry I’m late!” he placed the bag down next to him on the blanket, catching his breath. “But I wanted to grab these before I left!”

He opened his bag, showing a box of cupcakes with neon green frosting and little marine animal figures on top. 

“Mint and chocolate chip,” he took one out, handing it to Remus, “your favourite!”

Remus cradled the pastry in his hands, fondly staring at his favourite cupcake. And the pastry was also a bonus.

“I hope you don’t mind me getting sweets even when you’ve already prepared a basket” he gestured behind him as he settled down next to his boyfriend. “I don’t want to ruin your appetite or hard work.”

“No, it’s fine, this is, this is perfect.”

Remus sat down the cupcake, trading it for Patton, who leaned against him, looking out on the park from the hill they sat on.

“Aww, I’m glad to hear that!” he snuggled closer, the smell of cookies and fresh braked bread engulfing both of them.

Remus sighed, taking in the scent, leaning his head against his curls. He felt his hand hover towards his pocket, object and question burning in his mind and heart.

“Actually, Patton, I needed to…uhm.”

Patton looked up from underneath him, blue eyes distracting Remus while also reminding him of why they were here today.

“Everything alright, darling?”

“Yes, better than alright! Totally perfect! Splendid! Spiffy!” he stammered.

The man shifted in his lap, sitting upright as he locked eyes with him. “Remus, what’s wrong?”

“Wrong, why would anything be wrong?” he fiddled with the zipper of his jacket.

“Because you just said ‘spiffy’, of all things. Did something happen? Are you upset?”

“What, no! I mean I’m nervous, but when am I not erratic in behavior?”

“Okay, diverting the subject, so you’re definitely worried about something. Is it something personal? Did I do something?”

Remus released his zipper, quickly reaching for his hands. “No, of course not! I mean yes, in a way it is something you did-“

He looked back at Patton, brows furrowed and face set with worry, the little lines around his eyes set with questions instead of laughter.

“Not in a bad way!” he corrected himself. “I-, just, uhm.”

Remus took a deep breath, letting the thoughts seep from his mind until he could think about what he was going to say, remembering the reason why he was so nervous was sitting right in front of him, worried and confused.

“My darling daisy, my lovely lavender, my favourite flower,” he began.

“For the past 4 years, you’ve managed to not only set my heart, but also my” he glanced around, sure that no one but them could hear them, his voice lowered to a whisper, “ _loins_ on fire.”

Patton giggled, rolling his eyes at the statement.

“I don’t understand how someone like you could like someone like me, and honestly, that’s okay. I don’t understand myself either. But what I do know is, that you make me feel…better. You’re the euphoria when you can crack open a skull when you bash someone’s head in. You’re the exhilaration when you jump out of a plane, without the falling to your death part. I-“

He swallowed, steadying his shaking breath, still holding Patton’s hands who squeezed them lightly.

“I _love_ you, Patton. I want you to know that, even with all the kissing, the hugging, the more… _fun_ and exciting activities at night, I want you to know that I love you.”

“Remus, what are you saying?” Patton rubbed his thumbs over his calloused hands. “I already know that. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have stayed in your bed every morning”, he muttered with a chuckle.

“I know, I know. But, I want you to know how much I _mean_ it. How much… _you_ mean to me.”

He let go of his hands, instead sitting up on his knee, rumbling through the pocket of his jacket as he brought out a light blue box, a small ribbon on top.

“Remus, a-are you” Patton held a hand in front of his mouth, having to hold back a gasp as Remus opened up the box.

“I know I said I’m not entirely up for things like these, but I know you do, and I think this is the best way to prove to you that for once, there is rhyme and reason to what I do, so will you do me the honors?”

He gently took a hand from Patton, guiding him towards the silver jewelry displayed in the little box.

“Patton Morales, will you-“

Patton jumped in his arms, nearly knocking out the ring from his hands as he kissed him, cradling his face as tears rolled over his face.

“Not that I mind rolling in the grass with you on top of me” Remus breathed after Patton released him, “ but I assume that’s a yes?”

“It’s a yes alright!” Patton grabbed him by the collar as he kissed him again. “I can’t believe you-“

He sighed, resting his forehead against his. _“Marriage_.”

“Yeah, sugar cube” Remus smiled. “Marriage.”

He took the ring out of the box, placing it on his finger, fitting like a glove. “I’m kind of glad I asked Logan in advance about this too, even though it’s kind of odd he knows your ring size.”

“You asked Logan?” Patton admired the new ring on his hand.

“Yeah, mostly for his permission, I guess. Not that I needed it, cause I was going to ask you with or without it, but I know how much he means to you and all that, so I supposed I could as well ask him about that and what ring you’d like.”

He fondly watched Patton twirl the ring as he asked to see the matching one be placed on Remus. “I-, I appreciate that, Rem. Did he say anything about wanting to come along for a dress?”  
“He didn’t say anything against it, so I think he would? Why, am I not allowed to see you in a stunning dress before our wedding?”

Patton gently slapped him on the shoulder, the feeling of a ring still new to both of them. “No, silly! That’s bad luck!”

“Oh?” Remus pulled his now fiancé closer in his lap. “But I would love to see you in one. Or out of one, for that matter.”

He purred against his neck, knowing how much it tickled Patton.

“I don’t think you’ll ever get to see me in one so soon before we get married.”

“Never say never, darling. You never know what awaits around the corner.”  
\-------------------------------------------------------

As it were, Roman was first to come back, having traded his jeans and white t-shirt for a stunning scarlet dress, dotted with sequins that matched the glittering make-up on his eyes.

“You look fabulous, darling” Janus walked over to him, spinning him around excitedly.

“Thank you, honey” he placed a kiss on their cheek. “I tried to outdo myself as much as I could”

“You always do” Janus hummed as he pulled him closer by the waist. “My dazzling prince.”

“Oh, you flatter me.” Roman’s bubbly laughter filled the room, genuine and sweet. “However, you should see my duet partner.”

He walked out of their arms, which made Janus frown slightly, as he trailed back towards the bathroom, heels clicking against the polished wooden floor.

“Ladies, lords and non-binary royalty!” he winked at Virgil, “May I present to you, Royal Songbird’s newest member of the flock, Lucky Lovebird!”

He twirled around, revealing Patton walking into the room in a gorgeous sky blue off shoulder dress, tightly fitted against his body, adorned with flowers and glitter.

Unlike Roman, he had chosen a less flamboyant palette of colours to accentuate his features, simple winged eyeliners and pale blue eyeshadow, with a touch of blush on his cheeks.

“Pat, I think you broke Remus” Virgil smirked from the couch he was leaning on.

Sure enough, Remus couldn’t bring himself to close his mouth, jaw practically falling into his lap as he continued to gawk at him.

“Oh dear” Roman moved closer, snapping his fingers in front of his twin. “He’s got a bad case of the gays.”

“Shut. Your fuck”, Remus blurted out eventually.

“Aww, I appreciate it, sweetheart” Patton laughed as he saw the dazzled look on his face. “I do really like how I look in this. It’s quite nice.”

 _“Nice_?”, Remus stalked over to him, “Patton, you don’t look nice, you look _breathtaking_.”

He wanted to hold him by the shoulders, but decided against it, afraid he might ruin his look. “And you said I wouldn’t be able to see you in a dress like this before our wedding day.”

“Hey, I didn’t know we were going to be here all those months later!” Patton chided. “But, okay, I admit, it’s…nice to see you react like that. I hope you’ll do the same when I have my actual wedding dress on.”

“I’m sure he will, Patton” Logan replied. “I’d say he found your appearance now already incredibly…” he stared at Virgil for a second before turning back to him, “pog.”

“Did-“, Remus wheezed, “did he just say _pog_?”

“What, I am not wrong, am I? Or is that not the correct usage?”

“No, it, it is, just, you’re such a do-, OW!” Remus fell back against the wall, holding up the leg Patton just stomped his heel on.

“As amusing as this is” Janus began, “Don’t forget this is not a leisure activity. We’re not here for fun.”

“Well, a little fun” Roman pouted, leaning on his husband.

“Alright, maybe a little.”

“However, don’t forget about our objective.”

They walked over to the dining table, taking out a black velvet box from his pocket and placing it on the glass surface.

They took out six pairs of earrings: one black, which he put on themselves, a dark blue one for Logan, light blue and red for the birds of prey, and green and purple for Remus and Virgil.

“I have arranged for Roman and Patton to perform at the opening of Witcher’s new gambling hall, and they are expected to be there in a couple of hours.”

“How exactly did you manage that again?”

Janus raised an eyebrow in annoyance.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_“I have the finest performers for the opening, I’ll be sure to win another award!” Witcher laughed as he lighted a cigar, strolling through the entertainment hall with his assistants._

_“You really think so, Witcher?”_

_“Well, well, well”, the man stopped dead centre of the room. “If it isn’t Monsieur Deceit.”_

_“Come now Drake, no need to be so hostile.”_

_“Hostile? You think this is hostile? Surely you know that if I had the intention of being unfriendly, I would have no need to hide it, do I?”_

_Janus bit his cheek, glancing to the side as he watched the mass of people buzz around. “I suppose so.”_

_“Now then, what brings you here?” Witcher moved closer to the table, sneaking a glance at the paper under Janus’ hand._

_“Nothing special” they sighed, turning back around. “A friend of mine asked me to scout for some people, and I promised the most exclusive of singers. Where to find those but here, right?”_

_“You’re out of luck then”, Drake dragged from his cigar, “I already got those.”_

_He nodded towards a poster, a big shot artist Janus recognized. Hard to get, harder to make them leave._

_“Oh, you mean that band? Well, if that’s your idea of ‘exclusive’ “, he took out a pen from their pocket, taking the cap off to sign the paper._

_“What’s that supposed to mean?”_

_“Oh, nothing.”_

_Witcher put his hand down on the table, blocking Janus from signing it. “What do you know, Janus?”_

_They put the pen down, leaning on his arm. “If you must know, I’ve managed to get my hands on the, and I mean the, most exclusive lounge singer from this decade. Word has it, he’s got a new gig going, a duet partner so new to the world, it hasn’t even been announced yet.”_

_“And how come I haven’t even heard of it then?”_

_“Beats me, Drake. Not my fault your connections are outdated. As is your show. But, you do you.” Janus picked up the pen again._

_“I think I’ll take that”, he slid the paper from underneath his hands._

_“And why is that?”_

_“I’ll double it.”_

_“Pardon?”_

_“Whatever it is your friend is paying you. I’ll double it.”_

_“You expect me to betray my friend over money?” Janus clicked their tongue in disdain._

_“Everything is for sale, for the right price. And” Witcher loomed over them, blowing smoke in his face. “for the right motivation.”_

_Janus waved it away, gaze strongly trained on Witcher. “Are you threatening me?”_

_“What? Me? Threatening you? Of course not. I wouldn’t come after **you** , Janus.”_

_They narrowed their eyes, poise as elegant as ever as he handed him the paper and pen._

_“Glad we could do business, Deceit.”_  
\--------------------------------------------------  
“Unimportant”, Janus replied. “Now, what is important is having everyone exactly where they need to be.”

He slid the box to the centre of the table, a hologram of the casino floor projected above it.

“Roman and Patton will occupy the lounge, which is where we’re supposed to maintain Witcher at all costs.”

“All costs?” Remus eyed the pair nervously. “They’re not supposed to do anything too demanding, right?”

“If you’re worried about Witcher being handsy, they’re allowed to beat him off, should that be necessary, but you’re not supposed to get _that_ close. Just entertain him and his entourage, keep him distracted.”

“I promise you I’ll be okay, sweetheart” Patton assured him. “If he does come close I’ll stab him with my heels.”

“Have I told you I loved you already?” Remus sighed dreamily as Patton patted his cheek.

“Gross” Virgil groaned.

“Jealous?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Oh, so _now_ you can properly insult me?”

“Whatever”, Virgil huffed, hands digging in his pocket. “Just focus on the case at hand.”

He moved the projection around, zooming in on the space behind the stage. “This is where we should focus on.”

“I know, I know”, Remus held up his hands. “The kitchen, leading straight to the back of the building, accessible only by keycards. Thanks to Remy’s card we can go everywhere and we’re supposed to sneak you inside, then move you towards the guarded elevator up to our designated floor so you can be placed inside the vault where Witcher keeps his suitcase, with whatever is in there.”

“What?” he shrugged as they all stared at him. “I’m loud and chaotic, but I’m not an idiot. I can pay attention when I want to.”

“And you’re doing great” Patton pecked his cheek.

“You forgot the details, but the base was there” Logan moved his glasses up as he spoke.

“Which is what I excel at.”

“Show off” he murmured.

“Not show off, _important_.” 

Logan pulled up a file on the elevator. “Nothing goes in there except for registered users and the carts they have with them. Since none of us are registered employees, we can’t go in. However, we can get someone in one of their carts, specifically Virgil, since he’s the only one that will fit.”

“That’s what he-“

Roman shot him a glare, reminding him of his manners while Logan continued.

“Now, Witcher checks up on the carts himself, and he will do so at 7:16 sharp, just as he does every day. If he finds Virgil in there instead of money and playing chips, we’re screwed.”

“And not in the fun way” Remus sighed, rubbing his neck. “So we better make the switch happen after he does that.”

“Which is impossible, since the carts follow a clear trajectory from the moment they enter the floor until they’re in the elevator. But that’s what Roman and Patton are for.”

“Don’t forget yourself either, Logan” Virgil pointed out. “This requires all of us.”

“He’s not wrong” Janus agreed. “Roman and Patton need to delay Witcher for at least 7 minutes, which shouldn’t be that hard, if Roman still got it.”

Roman scoffed, putting a hand to his chest. “I’m offended you doubt me! My hips don’t lie, you fiend.”

“Oh, I know that”, Janus smirked, “but this part of the plan stands or falls with the switch. Logan, Remus and I will make sure the switch can be made, curtesy of Ronnie’s Balloon Emporiums and a certain fed up assistant not too shy from a bribe. “

“I’m still not sure that would work, but you’re the grand master here” Remus admitted.

“An insult and a compliment?” Janus waved a hand before resting his chin on it. “I’m shocked.”

“You are…such an interesting person, Janus. I see why Roman decided to get fucked b-“

“Will you _stop_ hitting me!?” Remus rubbed his head where Roman had slapped him.

“Will _you_ stop dictating my life for everyone to know?”

“I didn’t dictate your life”, he stuck out his tongue. “I dictated your _sex life_.”

“I will strangle you” Roman reached out his hands. 

“Apapap” Janus held him back. “Remember, we need him.”

Roman crossed his arms, stomping his foot on the ground. “I guess.”

“Besides, he’s not wrong. You’ve never complained before.”

“Betrayed”, Roman scoffed. “Betrayed by my own husband, oh, how cruel is this world!”

Janus chuckled, pulling their husband closer as they nuzzled their neck. “You know I love you.”

“But, as I was saying”, they rested their arm on his shoulder. “It all comes down to timing, and a good acting job. The rest of the plan is easy enough.”

“Ah yes”, Patton moved around the room, stopping near the coffee table littered with plastics and tools, taking a few of the finished items from it.

Before he handed them to Virgil, he hesitated, a steely look replacing his usually amiable smile.

“What I’m giving you is highly explosive, never been done before and possibly dangerous.”

“Only possibly?” Virgil chuckled.

“I’m serious” Patton stated sternly as he handed him a detonator. “There are few people I trust with my…projects, and I don’t want the people I care about to get hurt, okay?”

“I promise you no one will get hurt, I don’t injure people unless I have to.”

“I was talking about _you_ , kiddo.”

Virgil looked up from him as he received the devices he was supposed to smuggle inside with him, their weight increasing with the way Patton talked.

He briefly caught a glimpse of Logan smiling earnestly at the pair before he turned his attention to Patton once more.

“I-, uhm” he firmly grasped the explosives, Patton’s hands still on top of them. “I know what I’m doing, padre. I’ll be okay, but yeah, thanks.”

“Good” Patton’s cheery behavior was back again, like it had never disappeared. “You’re too precious to lose, after all!”

“Is, is it going to be like this, all the time?” Virgil whispered back at Logan.

“Yeah,” Logan wrapped his arms around him. “You’ll have to learn to live with that, as did I.”

“ _Et comment est-ce que tu avais l’appris ?”_

_“Par réaliser qu’il le fait parce que il m’aime, et donc, par association, il t’aime aussi, mon Étoile. Juste comme je t’aime.”_

“My French is a bit rusty, but I believe there were some ‘I love you’s ‘ in there” Patton interjected.

“You speak French?” Virgil felt a redness settling in his cheeks.

“A little” Patton replied. “Not fluently like any of you do, but when Logan mentioned he was seeing a French guy, I tried to learn a little bit.”

“But, you don’t even know me. Why would you?”

“Well silly because you’re family! Logan loves you, so it’s only normal I tried to find common ground! I didn’t know _everyone_ here spoke French, but, I gave it my best effort!”

“Not me, I don’t speak cocksucker”, Remus said.

“Honey, you’re _gay_ ”, Patton retorted. “Anyway, I meant what I said. Just be sure to be careful with those things.”

“Right”, Janus spoke again. “I’d rather not have anything happening to my little brother either, you know.”

“Alright then, what are we waiting for?” Virgil asked, trying to not think about the aspect of _family._

Janus closed the box, the hologram disappearing with it as he tucked it away again. They pulled back their hair, tying it up in a bun as they look at their companions.

“Suit up everyone.”


End file.
